Hello World! My name is Bailey “Bee” Noel, and I’m disabled.

Probably not in the kind of way you think when you think of the word “disabled” — mine are all invisible disabilities, every single one (and I have quite the list).

My diagnoses are as follows:

• Polyarthralgia
• Fibromyalgia
• POTS
• Hypermobility Syndrome
• Sleep Apnea
• Autism
• ADHD
• Bipolar Disorder (Type 2)
• PTSD
• Anxiety
• Depression

(It’s like a grocery list, I know — pick up depression on aisle 7!)

In this post, I’m going to go through each invisible disability, explain how it affects my life, and how I cope with them.

(Disclaimer: This is my personal blog and I can only write about my own experiences and what works for me. I’m sorry if some of my advice doesn’t or can’t work for you. I can only hope that you find something here that DOES work for you and can help you in the long run! I am not a doctor or a medical professional and my advice should not be taken as if I were. PLEASE speak with your doctor and do what is best for you! This blog is only meant to help where I can and to share my anecdotal experiences.)

Polyarthralgia

Polyarthralgia is one that I don’t think a lot of people know about. It’s basically just arthritis without the heat in the joints. “Poly” means multiple, “arthra” means arthritis, and “algia” means pain. So, in short, it means multiple of my joints are in pain.

For me, the main joints that are in pain are my hands. I have always, ALWAYS had extreme pain in my hands. I can’t even write anymore for long periods of time because my joints cramp up in my hands. Thankfully, for me, typing on the computer or my phone doesn’t hurt as bad and is much more accessible to me.

Fibromyalgia

So, Fibromyalgia, the big one. This is a disability that a lot of people don’t even agree is real.

As someone with this diagnosis, I promise you, it is real. There are days when I hurt so bad that I can’t sit in certain ways because my legs are so sensitive to the touch. I also can’t scratch an itch through my clothes (that absolutely kills me), I have to scratch directly on the skin. I can’t be poked either, it feels like getting a shot.

Anyway, Fibromyalgia is a disorder where you experience pain all over your body, fatigue from said pain, and then moodiness from said fatigue. It’s a really fun time.

Of my invisible disabilities, this is one of the ones that affects my life the most. I have pain in my neck that makes it hard to turn my head, and pain in my lower back that makes me feel like I’m going to snap in half if I stand for too long.

The best thing I know to do for this one is to take Motrin for inflammation, wait for it it kick in, and go on about my day doing things as gently as I can.

POTS

This is another big one. This one is the reason why I had to quit my job suddenly and haven’t been working since.

I believe that I’ve had POTS since high school, but it wasn’t nearly as bad until I got COVID three separate times. There is some information among medical circles that suggests COVID either causes POTS or makes pre-existing POTS worse, and I believe the second one is what happened to me.

POTS stands for “Postural Tachycardia Syndrome”, which basically means that when you sit or stand (any change in posture), your heart rate can go up wildly. My heart rate used to get up above 120 bpm just from sitting, and I’ve seen other people’s get up past 150 bpm.

This can cause a whole host of problems, and it even puts people in danger of passing out. That’s why I had to quit — I could no longer stand for as long as it took my shift at work (about 5 hours).

For this one, there’s a bit more you can do to help with it. After I took a tilt table test and got my diagnosis, I got put on medication that helps bring my heart rate down. I also make sure to stay super hydrated and have a lot of salt in my diet. Compression socks and clothes also help with circulation.

Hypermobility Syndrome

This one is a bit of a weird one, but because I was diagnosed with this, I got diagnosed with POTS. Let me explain.

So, I’ve always known that I have Fibromyalgia, which was evident for a while. When I dislocated my shoulder playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons (oh yeah, that’s a true story that I have), I went to physical therapy and got diagnosed with Hypermobility Syndrome. Once I told the doctor I had both Fibro and Hyperbomility, she put it together that I might also have POTS.

Apparently, it’s a common comorbidity — a trifecta, if you will.

Hypermobility Syndrome is exactly what it sounds like — I’m super stretchy and bendable, which could cause some issues. For this one, I just have to be really careful how I move, or I could easily pull or dislocate something.

Sleep Apnea

This is probably the only one of my invisible disabilities that is under control, thank God. This one really put me on my ass. I was so tired I couldn’t do anything, and I was falling asleep all the time. I didn’t feel comfortable doing anything in the outside world because I was afraid of falling asleep in public.

Sleep Apnea is when you stop breathing in the night. Apparently, I stopped breathing 13 times a night, and then once I got the machine, I went down to 1 apnea episode a night. Which, is basically a miracle.

Thankfully, as I said before, it’s fixed with the Sleep Apnea Machine, or CPAP. Even the transition to learning to sleep with the mask on wasn’t a hard one for me, so this one is all good.

Autism

Now, we get into the mental stuff.

For the longest time, I always felt that I was different from other people. Something just didn’t work “right” in my head like it did in everyone else’s, but I never thought it could be Autism. That just wasn’t something that was on my radar, even though I have family members with the diagnosis.

One day, I just started researching it, and I’ll tell you, I had never felt more seen in my life. Everything that everyone said resonated with me on such a deep level that I just KNEW this was something I had.

So, we set up an appointment to get a diagnosis, of which I received “Provisional Autism”, which basically means that I probably have Autism but they couldn’t give me the diagnosis because I also had PTSD as well, and there was just “too much going on” to give me a “proper diagnosis”.

(This lady literally looked at me and said: “You are COMPLICATED.” Like? I know, that’s why I’m here haha.)

Hot Take: I’m in full support of self-diagnosis for things like Autism and ADHD. There is just not enough known about how these disorders present in different types of people, especially grown women. Most people think of Autism as a little white boy’s disorder and that’s it — but that’s far from the case. Thus, it can be hard to get the diagnosis as an adult, even if you desperately need it.

This disability affects my life in many ways — it comes down to how my brain works. Autism, despite popular belief, is always something you’re born with. You can’t “catch” Autism and you can’t make it go away either. You have it for your whole life, because it’s literally how your brain is wired. Also, lots of people experience the disorder differently, hence the “spectrum”.

For me, I have sensory issues (mainly sound and light). I also experience social difficulties, like not being able to make eye contact with people appropriately, or even speak sometimes when I get too overstimulated.

How I cope with this is I am very gentle with myself once I recognize I’m overstimulated. If I can’t do it in time, I can keep myself from lashing out. If I don’t, I definitely get moody and irritable. I try my best not to get to that point, however. Meditating, breathing exercises, and checking in with my body are my big tips for dealing with Autism.

ADHD

Same story here, I wasn’t properly diagnosed by a psychiatrist, but my therapist and all my other doctors believe I have it, not to mention my family members who DO have the diagnosis think I have it, so I’d say that’s good enough for me. Eventually, I want to go back somewhere else and be re-tested and hopefully get an official diagnosis so I can get medication.

(Also, one of the tests for ADHD is not foolproof. There’s a pattern to it that, if you have Autism as well, you can figure out. So… yeah.)

This disability affects my life A LOT. Everything from not being able to focus to focusing too much, to my hobbies and interests changing with the wind, ADHD is a big part of my brain. I interrupt my loved ones constantly, and I hyperfocus on things intensely for short amounts of time (there’s even a section on my blog for me to post all about my current hyperfixations) and then drop them completely, and then go back to them months later.

It happens in cycles, and it goes on and on. I didn’t even know this was an ADHD thing until my therapist told me it was! She said, “We need to teach you more about your mental health, friend!” Lol.

The best way I can deal with my ADHD is to use pomodoro timers and coworking streams when I’m working (and by working, I mean on this blog, as I am currently unemployed due to invisible disabilities). These are extremely helpful to me! I also always have something playing in my earbuds no matter what I’m doing. This helps me focus and be present in any given situation.

Bipolar Disorder (Type 2)

So, firstly, there’s a BIG DIFFERENCE between Bipolar Disorder Type 1 and Bipolar Disorder Type 2. Before I was diagnosed, I didn’t even know that there were multiple types.

Bipolar Type 1 is the one you see in movies and TV shows — the one where mania is at the forefront. Bipolar Type 2 is where depression is at the forefront. Both types still experience highs and lows, but one experiences highs for longer and the other experiences lows for longer.

For me, I have Type 2. Of all my invisible disabilities, I think this is the one that affects me most mentally. For instance, I just got out of a depressive episode and am absolutely manic right now, which is why I am at 1600 words and I’m not even done yet haha.

PTSD

This one is a bit hard for me to talk about, so I’m going to be quick with it.

PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and it affects people differently. I think this is because different events cause the disorder, so it is in turn expressed differently.

For me, I have trouble sleeping sometimes, and I have flashbacks and nightmares. Again, meditation, breathing exercises, and checking in with my body help a lot with this.

Anxiety

Ah, good old Anxiety. This one invisible disability got me through school, to be honest. With all my other disabilities, this is the one that kept me moving forward. If I had a paper due, Anxiety was there to help me write it. Or if I had to present a project to the class, Anxiety shut me down and sprung me forward at the same time.

(Presenting is the WORST, by the way. My poor Autistic brain did not know how to present myself, much less my project.)

In most cases, Anxiety was my secret weapon. It kept me on top of my work, even with ADHD, because I just KNEW the world would end if I didn’t get my work done on time.

Now, my Anxiety is crippling. I have nowhere to direct it now, and it consumes me.

The best thing I can do is breathe and remind myself that I am still in my body. Meditation and grounding techniques are very helpful.

Depression

Depression is a lot harder to deal with than Anxiety. It is honestly the worst on the (mental) list for me. I haven’t had a proper depressive episode in a while, but with Bipolar Disorder (Type 2), I know that one might be just around the corner, waiting for me. That’s the hardest part to deal with — knowing that there will always be another episode.

For me, the best way to deal with Depression is to let yourself feel it for a little bit. You’re sad, and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel emotions that aren’t necessarily good ones because they help you appreciate the good emotions. (Also, I know that depression is more than just an emotion, it’s a chemical imbalance, but the sentiment applies.)

It’s important to be gentle with yourself, even when you don’t feel like it. Listen to your body, rest, and practice self-care. Contact your friends and loved ones, and spend time with them if you can. Take a shower, drink water, go somewhere that makes you smile. Treat yourself, because you are worth it and this too will pass.

In Conclusion…

I have a lot going on. I always have, and I always will.

But, I’m learning to be positive about it. That’s a big reason why I wanted to start this blog in the first place — I wanted to share my story, and I wanted it to help people (if it could). This is an outlet for me, and I hope that it can be an outlet for you too.

The biggest thing you have to remember about invisible disabilities is that you aren’t alone. Think about all the people that are in the world. Now, think about all the people who are going through the exact same things you are right now. That is an immediate soul connection right there. You’re connected to all of those people, and you’re connected to me now too.

Thank you for reading!!

— Bee <333